neuro.me.uk

Pending an evening of the Indiana Jones trilogy and a shitload of drinks with mrben this weekend, I humbly plagiarise and present:

To Prepare

You’ll need the following:

• The Indiana Jones trilogy, preferably on DVD:
  1. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1980)
  2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
  3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
• DVD player and big-ass teevee or projector
• Bunch of friends who aren’t surly drunks
• A shitload of alcoholic drinks; beers and wines are preferable to spirits when playing for the whole trilogy, but shots are more fun than sips!
• Around six to eight hours to watch the whole trilogy with munchie/loo breaks inbetween the movies, and a quiet day afterwards to get rid of the mandatory sair heed.

Optional items include fedoras, whips, revolvers, bandages, Nazi scientists and John Williams conducting the London Symphony Orchestra.

To Play

Simple: watch Raiders of the Lost Ark, then Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and finally Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Everyone participating must take a drink of their beverage every time one of the Drinking Cues listed below occurs as part of the movie. Feel free to improvise new Cues as the movies progress; if the group agrees on it, take a drink!

For a shorter game with less involuntary regurgitation of your drink(s), just watch one movie — Raiders is the recommendation here. You may also wish to keep someone sober to manage the game, watch for Cues and make sure contestants drink when they’re supposed to; they aren’t eligible to win, but they can join in with soft drinks if they like. Designated drivers are good for this purpose.

As always when drinking: be smart, have some food while drinking to help bulk out the booze, stop when you’re drunk, and do not drive or operate heavy machinery during or after play! Drink plenty of fluids before and after drinking to prevent dehydration and thus a nasty hangover.

To Win

The last person capable of controlling the DVD player by the end of The Last Crusade is the winner.

To Drink

Common Drinking Cues

Take one drink when:

• someone on screen takes a drink
• you hear the Raiders March (the Indiana Jones theme tune)
  • take two drinks if you hear it long enough for it to move up a key; the opening and closing credits don’t count
• a Nazi is killed
  • everyone must also raise a toast and shout “Dead Nazi!”
• someone is knocked off a moving vehicle or horse
  • take two drinks if they’re run over by the same vehicle
• someone jumps onto a moving vehicle or horse
• Indy punches someone
  • take two drinks if he doesn’t knock them out
  • take three drinks if he gets hit right back and falls over
• a bad guy gets impaled, crushed, burned or chopped up
• Indy almost gets impaled, crushed, burned or chopped up
• a bad guy gets shot in the forehead
• Indy gets shot at
  • take two drinks if he actually gets shot
• someone shoots a gun from a plane that’s either on the ground or in flight
• a vehicle crashes
  • take two drinks when the good guys survive
• Indy loses his hat
  • take two drinks when he gets it back
• Indy climbs back from a precipice
• Indy figures out an otherwise hidden passage or escape route
• Indy disguises himself in clothing that’s not his, such as a uniform
  • take two drinks if it’s not a Nazi uniform
• the first time you hear a new accent
• you hear a Wilhelm
• someone speaks in a foreign language without subtitles appearing
• a woman has an argument or yells at Indy
  • take two drinks if they kiss afterwards
• someone says “Heil Hitler”
  • take two drinks if they’re not a Nazi soldier or officer
• something is on fire
  • take two drinks if it’s a torch
• you see a skeleton
  • take two drinks if it’s just a skull
• the first time you see a bad guy wearing round glasses
  • take two drinks if it’s a good guy
• adolescent girls swoon over Indy
• Indy talks about real archaeology
• a wizened old man fills Indy in on some back story or other expositional information
• a religious artifact is on screen; this includes the Sankara Stones
• a sidekick wears a New York Yankees baseball cap
• an actor from another George Lucas production makes an appearance; Harrison Ford doesn’t count
• Pat Roach appears

Take two drinks when:

• you see a red line map travelling montage sequence
• Indy says a swear word
• a good guy turns out to be a bad guy
• a truck is hidden in a market
• someone says Indy’s full name

Raiders of the Lost Ark Drinking Cues

Take one drink when:

• a Nazi swears or mutters angrily under his breath
• the monkey make an amusing noise
• the Nazi’s take possession of the Lost Ark of the Covenant
• Indy knocks over a basket
• Marion squeals “Iiiiiiiiiindyyyyyyyyy”

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom Drinking Cues

Take one drink when:

• something grosses Willie out
• something that Willie does makes Short Round laugh
• you hear Hindi chanting
• the Sankara Stones glow

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Drinking Cues

Take one drink when:

• Marcus gets confused
• Henry calls Indy “Junior”
  • take two drinks if he calls Indy “Indiana”
• Henry messes something up
• someone consults Henry’s Grail Diary
  • take two drinks if someone writes in it